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A collection of Short stories for Necromunda

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:13 am 
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MetalEd - thank you for that kind word.

Grammer has never been a strong point with me. :roll: I want to improve, I need to improve, but my energies have been focused elsewhere (my IT career). Not that I don't want to learn, it's just very hard when you try and fly solo against the grain so to speak (grammer versus tech-geek).

The two examples you posted are very helpful. Thank you.

I have a list of editing things I need to do for the stories... but thus far my energies have been on generating new stories... hmm... I think I need to down shoft in order to get quality out and not the quantity... and hopefully improve both.

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 2:00 pm 
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I've never played an Ash Wastes campaign, and not read a whole lot on it. I hope you don't mind, but you inspired me and I've written a story that might not be so short.

If you don't mind I might post it up here rather than start another thread?


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 2:49 pm 
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It would not bother me, but why not start another thread?

Please feel free to post it here when you are ready...

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 3:56 pm 
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s4G wrote:
It would not bother me, but why not start another thread?

Please feel free to post it here when you are ready...


I went with another thread: Angry Andy.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:09 pm 
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MetalEd wrote:
IJust get a grammar nazi like me to proofread for you, and you're golden.

Keep it coming!


I am wondering... can you (and you too Cykotech) help me learn the how-to's and why-for's of grammer?

For example... MetalEd, you gave suggestions... and reading them I see it and agree... but I am not sure why.


maybe I am just writting too fast and don't catch it on the first pass, and then I am not thorough enough on my proof reading...

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:32 am 
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Ok, I spun up one more tale to go along with the articles posted above.

Several of you requested a vehicle pursuit style story and I did my best. I only have the old rules to go off of, but I tried to make it in-line with those game mechanics. One thing that struck me as odd...

In a boarding action the combat pretty much lasts one round because the loser is tossed overboard.

Anyway... on to the story. Please let me know what you all think...

Edited note: I have revisited one of the boarding actions to smooth over the wording. (Thanks speshul)

=============================================

Halleck twisted hard on the accelerator of his bike. The Guilders who had planned this caravan had been very crafty. The crawler had been a decoy the whole time. When he and his fellow Nomads had descended upon the crawler in force the escort vehicles abandoned the crawler and took off for the horizon. At the time Halleck had assumed it was a mere case of mercenaries abandoning their employer. After all they were quite a large group. A half dozen bikes and an equal number of mixed vehicles, was a force to be reckoned with out in the wastes. Once the screening force took off Halleck had his men focus on the crawler. That was always where the goods were kept. Let the cowards flee and meet their fate out in the wastes.

The attack took considerably longer than the Nomad leader had anticipated. The crawler’s hide proved difficult, even for missiles. But in the end the fall of the massive vehicle was inevitable. What they found inside made Halleck’s blood boil! A mere half dozen men defended the hulk, and the cargo bays were empty! It took even more valuable time to “convince” one of the survivors to reveal the truth.

The Guilder had anticipated the attack. Instead of placing his valuables within the crawler he dispersed the goods throughout the faster vehicles. So instead of a cargo hold full of valuables all Halleck had for his troubles were a handful of slaves. He and his men would show this Guilder – you only pulled one past the “Killer Angels” once – and then it was going to cost you.

Halleck left the heavy vehicles behind. He needed speed to catch these hivers and show them if they wanted to cross the wastes they would pay a price, and it paid off. Less than one hundred meters ahead lay his quarry. He immediately signaled the attack.

But this time the attack would not go as planned. A massive searing bolt of man made plasma landed right underneath Jabbar’s buggy. The molten blast instantly melted the left front wheel and axle causing the small vehicle to immediately dip and the chassis dug into the industrial waste, launching into the air. Jabbar and his driver were tossed through the air like a child’s toy. Halleck did not slow to see if they had survived. His focus was solely on getting his prize.

The Nomads were now trying to return fire. Unfortunately Jabbar’s buggy had mounted the band’s missile launcher. It was going to have to up close and personal now.

The Guilder’s make-shift caravan was loaded with other weapons as well and they had managed to take out another of the Nomad bikes, but Halleck’s “Angels” were in among the Guilder’s vehicles now. Three trucks and a half track, all with armored hides.

Halleck signaled for his band to focus on, and board, the truck where the Heavy Plasma shot had come from. Anticipating the attack the driver of the truck swerved to avoid the Nomads. Unfortunately for him the Killer Angels had done this before. Before the driver of the truck could react any further three Nomads swarmed aboard. Unfortunately poor Saad managed to miss his target and he bounced off the armored hull. The Nomad driver of the buggy he had leapt from had little time to react and was unable to avoid Saad as he landed unceremoniously in the wastes. The buggy bounced several times as it ran over the unfortunate man, but the driver maintained control. The two remaining Nomads aboard the truck made short work of the defenders sending both the driver and gunner to their deaths.

Halleck wasted no time and moved the rest of his band to swarm the half-track, the most likely ride of the caravan’s leader. If nothing else such a vehicle would come in handy. As the Nomads maneuvered into position all hell broke lose. This truck was manned by no less than five mercenaries and they were not going to go so quietly.

Las and slug rounds peppered all around Halleck’s bike causing him to flinch involuntarily sending his bike veering sharply left. He was not alone in his predicament. Two of the other bikes were also under fire. Rafiq, his second in command, took a slug to his chest and lost control. The bike fishtailed back and forth, the driver no longer in control, until it finally turned sideways and began rolling – crushing its rider as it went.

Halleck watched his friend get swallowed up by the wastes as if in slow motion. His vision filled with rage. The only thing he could see now was that these mercenaries would pay such a price…

Halleck laid into the throttle of his bike once more. All he saw was the half track. Common sense told him that is where the leader of these scum would be. Reaching over his shoulder he grabbed the haft of his prize possession. A power axe handed down to him from his father. His thumb easily found the power switch as he stood up on the seat of his bike preparing to launch himself against the man and his truck that had caused him so much grief.

Halleck let go of the throttle of his bike and vaulted the span between him and his goal. He buried the axe into the armored hide providing him with the hand hold he needed to secure his landing.

One of the defenders, hearing Halleck’s landing, leaned out over the top of the truck and aimed a hefty stubber at the intruder. Halleck’s actions were quick. Grabbing the man’s wrist he yanked and pulled himself up and over through the open top. The mercenary was dumb founded at the turn of events even as Halleck planted his boot into the defender’s ribcage. The impact drove the defender over the edge into the wastes. Halleck watched the man tumble along the rolling terrain behind and then turned. Now he would vent his rage upon the one who masterminded the fall of the Killer Angels.

As Halleck turned he came face to face with the business end of a shotgun. The man holding the trigger was tall and well built, but he did not sport a Guilder’s badge.

“You Nomad’s think you own it all don’t you. The truth is you just get in the way of an honest businessman’s trade.”

Halleck never heard the discharge of the weapon. The last thing he saw was the Necromunda pollution filled sky. Funny, he could not remember ever having seen the stars before.

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


Last edited by s4G on Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:49 am 
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very good, a teeney bit below your ususal standards but good none the less-

Some of the phrasing seemed a bit ropey.

Quote:
But the Nomads had done this before and surrounded the truck and



please take this as honest critique :D and keep up the good work

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:54 am 
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No - I appreciate it. I had not caught that on the read through...

thanks. :)

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:10 am 
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i was commenting on the double use of 'and' and the 'had done this before' perhaps they should be experienced, it seems a low brow phrase compared to the well structured rest.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:23 am 
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speshul wrote:
i was commenting on the double use of 'and' and the 'had done this before' perhaps they should be experienced, it seems a low brow phrase compared to the well structured rest.


I will have to revisit it then. I think that happens in my writing because there are times when I am writing - tapping away at the keys - and I get interrupted for one reason or another. Then I pick up again but fail to refresh where I was at.

Your comments have been very helpful. The 'art' of communicating - in this case short stories - is only a communication when the ritter conveys his/her ideas in such a way that the reader understands. Otherwise it's not really communication is it. :wink:

Anytime I solicit feedback it's so that I can learn and grow as a writer. I have fun writing, but as I get better the more fun I have and the more enjoyable the stories become as well.

I am going to go back over that section... maybe I can tweak it some. Thanks again.


edited note: I've smoothed that section over, as well as a few other smaller areas. Thanks again...

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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