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life on the edje 1

 Post subject: life on the edje 1
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:38 am 
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Cadet
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Location: south england
wolfhound walked up the dirt parth towards the edje of ashville. In the distance he could here the faint sound of a viechle's engine. wolfhound kept on walking and looked over his sholder a truck was getting closer and closer. wolfhound desided to keep on walking ,the truck pulled up beside wolfhound through the dirty door window he could just about see a figure wearing a dark trench coat. THe truck stoped. Two figures jumped out the back of the truck and cocked there guns. wolfhound stoped and reached into his jacket pocket and clasped his stubgun . wolfhound turned to look at the aproaching figures both were delaque through and through from there bald head to there loaded silenced bolt pistols."get in the truck" shouted one .wolfhound pulled out his stubgun and pulled the trigger.click..click...click.The delaques opened fire blowing off 3 fingers off his right hand and blowing a neat bloady chunk out of his thy . wolfhound droped to the floor rhything in pain the delaques scooped wolfhound off the floor and throw him in the back of the truck


wolfhound awoke starring out the roof of the truck he tried to move but he couldnt . Straps went over his arms and legs preventing him from moving . wolfhound turned his head to the left a figure wearing a white overale and holding a scalpole move towards him . wolfhound tried again kicking and thumping but he couldnt move .His heart was thumping like a jackhamer

"i am making the insision"

a blade slised deep into his chest . wolfhound tried to scream in pain but he couldnt .

"i am about to cut the atries conecting the heart to the rest of the body ready for its removal"

for wolfhound it was all over


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:12 am 
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wed - an interesting tidbit here. I know this may sound like I am nit-picking, but...

Work on the basics some. I am no master of the English language (either the Queen's English - or the American), but things like spelling and capitalization go a long way. To be honest, if this piece was much longer I would not have finished it just for those two reasons.

I would like to encourage you as well. There is so much more that could be told. Who is Wolfhound? Where does he come from? What about the Delaque? Why are the out harvesting body parts? Does this take place within Necromunda, or out in the Ash Wastes? Why was Wolfhound alone?

Writing is sort of like working out. You only get stronger the more you practice!

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:23 am 
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k it was only the begining of something but it was mostley because i got board and desided to write about my gang


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 9:42 am 
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Then by all means I encourage you to write away! 8)

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"Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy; and when you strike and overcome him, never let up pursuit." ----- Thomas Jacskon


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