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[Ian 30 / Jakob 4] Decision Gate

 Post subject: [Ian 30 / Jakob 4] Decision Gate
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:59 am 
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“Dyrke, you should reconsider this.”

Ian had been trying to convince the leader of the Steel Spiders for over an hour to take Jakob in instead of taking him home for the bounty. He was getting nowhere.

“His family is not going to just let it go. They have a pretty hefty bounty on his head to bring him back home.”

“Yea, but we….”

“You just don’t get it kid. He’s going back, and we leave in the morning.”

Ian knew when he had been dismissed and to try and continue the argument any further would only invite a collection run to the chemical pools. Nasty work. Without knowing where else to go he headed back to his workbench. At least there he could clear his head and focus on something else.

“I appreciate you sticking up for me like that.”

Ian nearly walked headlong into Jakob as he rounded the corner outside Dyrke's quarters.

“What… oh that. Well, the ability to just touch someone and heal them like that….”

“Yea, about that… You didn’t mention that to Dyrke did you?”

“No… people with that kind of ability tend to…”

“Yea… well, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back home. My father is a little set in his ways. I’ve been searching for something for a long time, and well… he doesn’t approve. He feels that my time would be better spent in the office.”

“Well, I can tell you that Dyrke is pretty set in his ways too. He means to take you back to your family tomorrow, and I am pretty sure it is not going to matter to him if you go willingly or not.”

“I can’t go back Ian.”

The two Van Saar youths stood staring aimlessly at each other trying to gauge what the other one was thinking, and trying to figure out what to do. Finally Ian spoke up again.

“If you take off the Cawdor are likely to find you again. Even if they don’t, some bounty hunter looking to collect on the reward your family set up will. And if word ever gets out about your little… ‘gift’… you will have even worse things to think about.”

Jakob considered this for a moment. “Then I need to go to the one place nobody will thing of, and yet be able to be in plain sight.”

Ian snorted, “where in all of Hive: Primus could that possibly be?”

Jakob got a big grin on his face, “They will never find me there.” He said out loud to himself.

“Where?”

“Come on, I think I saw where up on the deck of the bridge.”

Ian followed only because his own curiosity got the better of him. The pair climbed the ladders back up to the Bifröst, and then out onto the deck of the massive bridge that was once a part of an interdome commuting connector. Instead of heading towards Hive City like Ian thought was his intention, they headed to the far end, the one closest to the Underhive.

“I thought you said you were going to try and hide in plain sight.” Ian said as he put a hand on Jakob’s shoulder and spun him around.

“Oh, I am. It’s ingenious! Where I am going is right over there.”

Ian followed Jakob’s arm to where he was pointing. “I’m not sure that would be the best course of action. If anyone suspected that you’re a Wyrd… the Enforcers will most likely be the ones to come and get you.”

“Yea, but how closely do they look at themselves?”
==============================================

This installment is a tad shorter than i prefer, but in order to break up the other portions i have written afterwards... it just made sense to 'interrupt' it where i left off. Hope it was an enjoyable read...

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 12:14 pm 
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Nice ending! This is going to be great. The only thing I may suggest is to either not capitalise so many nouns, or to come up with some slang names, as it sounds like you're just reading from a list of model names. I'm looking forward to the next section!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 7:05 am 
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I'm not sure if you are referring to just this story, or the series in regards to the Noun thing...

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 9:31 am 
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Just this one, sorry for the ambiguity. I've not used the Story Telling board before, so I've read none of your other stuff yet (unless you're on the Night Lords forum as well?).

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 9:44 am 
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No, not on the Night Lords board... i tend to keep my scope somewhat narrow. The Fringe is a comfortable place to hang for me. McCragge has been a great host.

Ian has been my longest running recurring character, Jakob is a new story line that is just getting started. I have about four story lines... and i try to add to them as i have time, and whatever mood i am in will dictate which story thread i work on at anyone time. I am by no means a professional writer, and i have only ever been "published" once - for a Fan contribution by Arbitrator General. You should look around for it. It is a very large supplement for the Ash Wastes.

Thank you for the feedback. It is much appreciated, and i will keep it in mind as i go forward.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:24 am 
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The one that was on the Specialist Games site?
I'll dig it out of my pdf dungeon and have a look at the colour text then!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:28 am 
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I believe that is the one.

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